Excitement vs. panic = exhaustion?

Exhilaration vs. Trepidation

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My insides are a frenzy of warring emotions that exist simultaneously in direct opposition to each other – a veritable hullabaloo of cacophonous sentiments.

To start with, I am super excited to think that in a few short days (11) I will be on my bike on the open road, cycling all day, stealth camping by night, on my grand bike adventure with my bestie.

On the other hand, that means a big, ominous, and important deadline is looming. Before I can, with good conscience, mount my bike and wave my laptop goodbye, I need to have a draft of ol’ Nessie submitted to my supervisors. A goal that instantly strikes up a chorus of panic mixed with nausea as there is so much to be done! This goal had been set before I had uncovered a relatively minor coding error (which, of course, has major implications for my models) and has meant that I have spent every spare moment in the last two weeks frenetically re-running analysis.  Le sigh. The glamourous life of a grad student.

So, even though every fibre of my being wants to give over to the unbeatable excitement of planning a trip, where I let my entire self be  swept away in a wave of bike-dream euphoria, the mouth-breathing, bone-chilling Nessie is standing right behind me, judging every moment of misdirected “free” time – as each moment spent on nail care, live election coverage, debating the merits of solar vs. dynamo charging, or refreshing my Instagram feed was not spent wrapped up in her sinewy arms.

In the debate between Nessie and the bike, I am at an impasse. In the war between excitement and panic, I think exhaustion triumphs. So I thus yield myself to sleep. Good night all.

Tiny, lovely observations

A few points from outside the mean of daily life; a sparkle that darts out of the standard deviation and dares to make life a tiny bit more beautiful.

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Sales on nail polish!! It is a dangerous delight. Who could resist?!
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One of my terrific coworkers just gave me this book Comfortable with Uncertainty (Pema Chodron). Grappling with uncertainty has been a difficult theme for me in the past 6 months, and it continues to be something I struggle with, as someone with anxiety facing an exciting/terrifying future of uncharted possibilities. I have only just begun (both making sense of how to come to terms with uncertainty in my life and this book) but it is a really important journey for me right now and I am excited to have some new reading materials for the adventure.
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EPI RUNNERS! I got to participate in a fundraising run with 4 other fabulous epidemiologists. How lucky am I to get to work with these gals? It was the highlight of my work week!

 

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